I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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