I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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