I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
