OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
