my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
