Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
