I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
