Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
