you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
