I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
