Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
