The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
