Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
