i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have fence marks all over my body
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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