the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
