it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
