dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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