i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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