Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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