Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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