I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
