He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
