im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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