in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
