I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is it penis luge time yet?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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