You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
