Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
