so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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