he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
