I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
