my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
