New low: just hacked my moms facebook
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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