Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
