i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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