I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
