she looked like the before picture.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
