Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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