does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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