Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
