Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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