The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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