i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need water and some morals
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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