and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
