I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
