It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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