Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
