Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
