You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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