all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
