ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
