So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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