I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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