thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
