Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
